


316. hope

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [217]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-02
Packaged: 2018-09-21 13:06:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9550394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: Sarah and Helena and Kira go to a playground.





	

It’s not that Sarah feels out of place. There’s a place for her right there in the middle, if she wants it – she can see it, the way her sister is holding her daughter’s hand and there is a space right _there_ in the middle where Sarah could step in and make it a chain. Instead she stays back. She stuffs her hands in the pockets of her jacket. Helena and Kira are babbling as they walk – some nonsense Sarah doesn’t care about, some cartoon they both watch. Sarah is fine walking back here and watching the leaves slowly fall off the trees.

It’s a grey day. Not a good day to go to the playground. But then again Kira’s nearly too old for the playground; if there was a good day to go, Sarah already missed her chance. She falls a few steps further behind – not for any particular reason, just the aching weight tucked between her ribs. Just that.

The playground is mostly empty. Sarah drops herself on a bench. She doesn’t check if it’s wet first. It is; her jeans soak through in seconds, but she doesn’t move. Kira is explaining the swingset to Helena. Helena seems faintly baffled by the concept, and Sarah watches her tentatively swing the chain back and forth and watch the swing shiver. Helena’s expression is one of deep distrust. Her hand is cradling her pregnant belly protectively. Sarah can’t even see Kira’s expression, because Kira’s back is to her. Sarah could get up and go. Sarah could leave the two of them here, and they would be happy. Right? Wouldn’t they be happy, without her there?

Selfish: she stays.

Kira gets on the swingset, starts swaying it back and forth. Helena lowers herself onto the swing next to it and starts pushing. The swing is too small for her. She is making a valiant attempt anyways and she’s going, she’s going, she’s flying. They’re both flying. _She called me an angel_ , Kira told Sarah once. Kira was teaching Sarah to fold the origami butterflies she likes so much, and she wasn’t looking at Sarah when she said it. So what was Sarah supposed to say to that? Her folds clumsy, the butterflies’ wings collapsing. What was she supposed to say?

She can hear her daughter laughing. Helena isn’t laughing but Helena doesn’t laugh easy, Sarah knows that about her. When she does laugh it’s startled, a flock of birds after a gunshot.

(Really, that’s Helena: a flock of birds after a gunshot, flying. Sarah would never tell her that, the same way Sarah would never tell Kira that Helena was right. She is an angel. She is the very brightest thing.)

There is a patch of blue sky in the mass of grey clouds, and – when the two of them swing, when they fly high enough, sometimes their toes brush up against it. Helena is sticking her tongue out at Kira, because she’s swinging higher. Kira is frantically pumping her legs trying to keep up. If one of them leaps off the swingset Sarah will scream. She knows she will scream. But neither of them do; they swing higher and higher until they let themselves fall again.

Four feet on the ground – rubber tires ripped to shreds, painted in unreal reds and greens. Kira watches her feet. She says something Sarah can’t hear, and Helena looks at Sarah (Sarah feels something stab her stomach at it, that look) and then looks back at Kira. Says something in response. Kira folds her arms around herself, scuffs her foot. Helena nudges her swing into Kira’s. One of them says something to make the both of them start laughing. _It’s hard to make her laugh_ , Sarah wants to say. _You know that, right? That it’s hard?_ Kira probably knows.

Going over there would feel like giving up. Sarah stares fixedly at the empty jungle gym, the line of monkey bars stretching one after the other from start to finish. The chipped plastic of the slide. It’s all so small. She is so busy trying to remember something about this place that she misses the sound of footsteps until Kira is standing in front of her.

“Hi,” Kira says.

“Hey, monkey,” Sarah says, reaching out from deep deep instinct and rubbing Kira’s arms. “You having fun?”

“Yeah,” Kira says. She turns around and looks at Helena, but Helena is back to swinging with intense nonchalance. Kira looks back. “It’s better if you push me, though.”

“I dunno, think you’re too big,” Sarah says, but then she realizes Kira might not know that’s a joke and panics. “No, I’m kiddin’, let me get up, come on.”

She stands up. As soon as Sarah is standing Kira reaches for her hand, holds it. Her hand is small and hot in Sarah’s; Sarah realizes too late that her own hand must be cold from old rain. But Kira doesn’t let go.

“Auntie Helena says I can’t swing higher than her,” she says, tugging Sarah towards the swings. “But I think that’s just ‘cause my legs are shorter. So if you help, I can do it.”

“Yeah, we’ll beat ‘er,” Sarah says, watching as her daughter throws herself back on the swing and watches Sarah expectantly. Next to her Helena is still swinging, higher and higher and higher, toes pointed expectantly towards that one small patch of blue.

Sarah puts her hands on her daughter’s wingless shoulderblades, and she gives her a push.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


End file.
